3 Resume Tips Learned At The Expense Of Others!

FML is a popular blog that posts up terse, often grammatically-challenged, user-submitted posts about real life events that might cause you to think “F&*% MY LIFE”.  Reading the blog is not the most productive way to spend your time but there is somewhat of a sick enjoyment to be had in chuckling at the expense of others.  Most of the funniest posts are so ridiculous that they might as well be completely made up, which very well may be the case.

I’ve come across a couple posts that deal with irrecoverable resume gaffes that we can all learn a little something-something from..

1. Be thorough.

Today, I realized I had misspelled “Education” on all the resumes I’ve been submitting. FML.

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I’ve handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven’t gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML.

It’s easy to let your mind run faster than your fingertips when you’re on a (writing) roll.  Take it from me.  Most of the time, if I don’t jot down my ideas, I’ll lose the idea altogether. Because of that, I usually end up having to fill or change ten to twenty different words throughout my blog posts!  Even after thorough editing, I sometimes still miss something here or there because of my familiarity with the piece I am writing, so to catch the finer details, I give it to Sam to look over.  Make sure you have at least ONE more pair of eyes look over your resume before you choose to distribute it because you never know when you might make simple spelling mistakes or forget to put your contact information (duh!).  Your resume is essentially your written ‘best foot forward’ so it should be your most well-polished, well thought out and thoroughly-edited piece of writing ever!

2. Take care in your distribution.

Today, I had my first job interview in years. While I was waiting for the manager to come out I realized I had forgotten the resume that I had printed out the night before, since he specifically asked me to bring one. FML.

Today, I checked my email for the hundredth time, hoping to hear back from a potential employer about a job I really want. No response. Why? My email with resume attached has been sitting in my Outbox for the past week. I never actually sent it out in the first place. FML.

This seems like a gimme but you really can’t underestimate what anxiety and nerves can do to a human being.  Tossing and turning all night long before a key interview doesn’t really make for the most stable of emotional states and the sharpest of minds.  When you’re constantly running through mental checklists and mock questions before an interview (or before sending out your resume), you need to make sure you see it through till the end.  You might have your tie knotted just right, hair combed perfectly, nothing stuck between your teeth, a handle on your otherwise foul breath and maybe even the strongest resume known to man, but if you make an egregious error like forgetting your resume on your desk at home, nothing you do or say can make up for that botched first impression.

3. Doublecheck everything!

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on craigslist. I realized that I hadn’t updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to “I’m a cocksucker who needs a job real bad.” FML.

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to ‘I am a massive douche bag.’ FML.

So you’ve finally put in the time to get your resume in order.  You’ve carefully selected every single word on that life-encompassing piece of parchment.  All of your accomplishments and assets have been skillfully wrought on an 8.5 x 11 sheet of figurative hammered gold and you almost salivate thinking of all of the hiring managers that you will leave slackjawed, out of breath and wanting more.  Basically, you’ve let Sam and I look over your resume for you.  So you completely trust the contents of that document, right?  Wrong.  You never know what an external party could have done to your personal files.  Whether it be an immature brother, a bitter ex-love interest or even just a nosy friend, a document labeled “resume” always seems to bring out the snooper in most people.  You can never be too sure!  Doublecheck everything before you hand it out or you might regret it!