Comments on: Dealing With Others: The Complexity of Caring http://www.the-postgrad.com/2009/11/dealing-with-others-the-complexity-of-caring/ What Happens After Graduation? Tue, 07 Sep 2010 06:39:40 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Chica http://www.the-postgrad.com/2009/11/dealing-with-others-the-complexity-of-caring/#comment-380 Chica Mon, 28 Dec 2009 07:35:12 +0000 http://www.the-postgrad.com/?p=817#comment-380 I also really liked this post. I operated on thinking mode for years and refused to compromise, thinking that it was against personal integrity (and weak) to suggest or do things that were not logical, effective. I also happened to be very 'bossy,' believing that my take-charge personality and un-sleeping work ethic, as well as my logical thinking and clear analysis, were enough to make me a leader (and a 'success'). However, I was not a real leader and was instead, perceived to trampler of people('s feelings). Fortunately or unfortunately, some deeply distressful events opened me to severe depression, forcing me to catch me up with my feelings. Through this process, I learned not only to relate to myself in terms of my feelings, but also to others. In fact, more recently have I learned to embrace my feelings as an indicator of... how I really feel about a subject, which (at the risk of oversimplification) means discovering where this subject is in relation to my values. Feelings is another tool that helps me solve my problems. When I am sought for advice, I seek to understand why a person is feeling a certain way by trying to figure out their values. I may help them decide by helping them see why they feel that way. Then I probe some more to figure what they feel/think is the best way to act in accordance with their values. (This might also require helping them figure out what their values are, all of which involves LISTENING, which is difficult to do and difficult to find competent doers.). Sometimes their values might completely disagree with mine; I tell them (if they cared) how I would do it differently and why, but I know ultimately I do not live with the consequences of their decision. I also really liked this post. I operated on thinking mode for years and refused to compromise, thinking that it was against personal integrity (and weak) to suggest or do things that were not logical, effective. I also happened to be very ‘bossy,’ believing that my take-charge personality and un-sleeping work ethic, as well as my logical thinking and clear analysis, were enough to make me a leader (and a ‘success’). However, I was not a real leader and was instead, perceived to trampler of people(‘s feelings).

Fortunately or unfortunately, some deeply distressful events opened me to severe depression, forcing me to catch me up with my feelings. Through this process, I learned not only to relate to myself in terms of my feelings, but also to others. In fact, more recently have I learned to embrace my feelings as an indicator of… how I really feel about a subject, which (at the risk of oversimplification) means discovering where this subject is in relation to my values. Feelings is another tool that helps me solve my problems.

When I am sought for advice, I seek to understand why a person is feeling a certain way by trying to figure out their values. I may help them decide by helping them see why they feel that way. Then I probe some more to figure what they feel/think is the best way to act in accordance with their values. (This might also require helping them figure out what their values are, all of which involves LISTENING, which is difficult to do and difficult to find competent doers.). Sometimes their values might completely disagree with mine; I tell them (if they cared) how I would do it differently and why, but I know ultimately I do not live with the consequences of their decision.

]]> By: jackie http://www.the-postgrad.com/2009/11/dealing-with-others-the-complexity-of-caring/#comment-352 jackie Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:13:34 +0000 http://www.the-postgrad.com/?p=817#comment-352 this is a good post. everyone is different but thats what makes it even more challenging (maybe even more exciting to learn something new about someone) to get to know someone enough to know what they like, what they dont like and what gets at them and not push their buttons. and definitely its important to know that everyone has different needs and cant treat everyone the same cus one might be more sensitive to one thing more than another person. there's too much to say so im just going to stop here haha this is a good post. everyone is different but thats what makes it even more challenging (maybe even more exciting to learn something new about someone) to get to know someone enough to know what they like, what they dont like and what gets at them and not push their buttons. and definitely its important to know that everyone has different needs and cant treat everyone the same cus one might be more sensitive to one thing more than another person. there’s too much to say so im just going to stop here haha

]]> By: uberVU - social comments http://www.the-postgrad.com/2009/11/dealing-with-others-the-complexity-of-caring/#comment-350 uberVU - social comments Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:16:03 +0000 http://www.the-postgrad.com/?p=817#comment-350 <strong>Social comments and analytics for this post...</strong> This post was mentioned on Twitter by thepostgrad: relationship is complicated! how do you personally deal? http://bit.ly/cmpsncmplx pls help and rt!... Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by thepostgrad: relationship is complicated! how do you personally deal? http://bit.ly/cmpsncmplx pls help and rt!…

]]> By: david http://www.the-postgrad.com/2009/11/dealing-with-others-the-complexity-of-caring/#comment-349 david Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:17:29 +0000 http://www.the-postgrad.com/?p=817#comment-349 pongzilla? pongzilla?

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