Postgrad Dating Tips: Don’t Invest Too Much Too Early!

Let me start off by clarifying a little bit here. This is primarily an article targeting those Postgrads who have not already given their heart to a sole man or woman of their desire. I realize that for some of us, there is already a “singular” person that we’ve given our hearts to, and as such it’s very difficult for us to see beyond him or her. Personally, I like love her a lot. I am so deeply, greatly, passionately in love, that I want to write her love songs and ballads. Cupid has struck my heart, and the cheesiness is oozing out of my body.

However, for those of you guys who have not yet started dating (in the busy-ness of the Postgrad schedule), or for those of you guys who have been burned by the “one” that you thought for sure was going to end successfully in marriage, I suggest this dating methodology: don’t invest too much too early!

This sort of methodology relies primarily on one principle: don’t buy the product until you have ample reason to purchase it. One great example of this is my Palm Pre. One of my friends told me about the Palm Pre about 7 months ago, and to me, it sounded like the most amazing phone that I could ever purchase. I started fantasizing about it, and began dreaming up all the endless possibilities that owning a phone like this would benefit me. I hit all the forums, and all the Youtube videos with full force.

The day of reckoning had arrived. The Palm Pre hit the stores, and I drove with a sense of purpose and destiny to my local Sprint store. I was originally on Verizon and owned a Blackberry, but without much hesitation, I paid the $200 cancellation fee and changed my phone company allegiances to Sprint.

Biggest regret of my life. The Palm Pre has been one of the most disappointing phones I have ever owned. Initially, I was impressed by all the glamour and the aesthetic beauty of the phone. But after having to deal with 200 dropped calls, a broken on/off button (within 2 months of owning the phone), major lag when switching between applications on the phone, I realized that the Palm Pre sucks. I regret purchasing this phone. It had so much potential to please, but now I am forever jaded. I have vowed to never purchase a phone again unless I know everything about it.

What’s my point? When we are looking for a significant other, oftentimes we “jump” the gun in developing feelings for them. Before we’re actually given sufficient reason to, we go “all in”. We jump at the opportunity to give them our hearts, our feelings, our emotions. But the problem with this is that many times, we’ve invested too much, too early.

Maybe the guy/girl doesn’t like you back, or doesn’t like you that much, and you’re obsessing. Maybe the guy/girl ends up being a total douche, but since you’ve invested so much of your emotion anyway, you allow yourself to get abused and misused for a while until you finally wake up and realize that the relationship isn’t good for you. There are a plethora of possible “I invested too much too early and got screwed” situations out there, but the point is, there is a way to avoid this in the future!

My proposition is that we should, instead of investing all our emotion in a singular person right off the bat (or even within a couple months of dating), develop a progressively evolving “interest”. The key fundamental rule here is you don’t really commit to the person until you’ve dated them multiple times, and you get a sense that things “make sense”. You realize that he/she is amazing, your Myers Briggs registers as “compatible” for dating (half kidding), and he/she is not some psycho crazy person that’s going to end up stalking you. Maybe he/she is outside your window right now, looking in. Freaky thought.

This “interest” doesn’t explode and turn into full-on love too early. It slowly, gradually morphs into something more expressive. It’s a slow growing love. You date for 3 months, and each month you give a little bit more of yourself to that person. It’s not until you know that you know you could spend the rest of your life with them that you give them everything.

This is a guarded dating methodology that helps you keep your senses about you while you tackle the dating world. It’s not for everyone, I realize that. Some of us are hopeless romantics, and believe passionately that when there is love, logic should cease to exist. However, I’ve been in too many failed relationships to believe in “the one”. Now, I believe in “the two…hundred”. There are two hundred guys/girls out there in the world that you are going to meet in your life time that you could date, and it would be completely compatible and work perfectly well. It’s just a matter of giving them a shot, and getting to know them.

My Postgrad challenge to everyone this week is this: go on a date with someone you’ve been thinking about as a possibility for the past week. Even if you’re not completely “sold” yet, just go on a date, and try it out! Who knows…maybe it’ll end up being the most amazing relationship of your life. Just make sure you don’t invest too much too early! Good luck and happy dating!